grief-300x199This post is the second in a new series on Support.

Most people who need to sell their house quickly do so at the end of a long hard road of other trials. Many have family members that have passed away, many fall behind financially and cannot afford mortgage payments. Some people bought their house for more than they can sell it for, but they have no option but to sell it. Because of these emotional circumstances, Big State Home Buyers’ team has learned to be very sensitive to everyone’s situation.

Many sellers  experience grief as a result of their circumstances, or of simply selling a house they lived part of their lives in. In this post, Alison Reeves discusses how she learned to deal with grief.

Introduction: Grief is Unpredictable

I watched a couple movies in the last few months that dealt with grief. One of those included “The Greatest”.

This film depicts the family and a friend of a teen who unexpectedly died. This deep, rich and insightful film brought up intense feelings for me regarding my dad and how I have been dealing with his death.

Part of the beauty in this film involves how differently each person felt and expressed their grief. The mother woke up every morning and after a brief stretch, a look of realization came across her face, and she collapsed again to cry.  The troubled and rebellious brother of the teen boy began attending a grief group seemingly against his will. The father attempted to hold it together and avoided talking about his son, until the end of the movie when he finally broke down. His moment of intense anguish brought me to tears, and I identified with that feeling of loss.

My grief feelings have been similar: they are unpredictable, and I’ve done a lot of things differently this year…just because. It has been a beautiful and painful journey. Today I feel intensely grateful, as I feel God soothing me through this process. I feel like a little girl, with His hand stroking my forehead and telling me its already okay.

I have a much higher level of acceptance for myself and others today. And this brings me to the topic at hand: the top three things I want you to remember as you experience your grief.

Grief is experienced differently for everyone.

First of all, we all experience grief differently. Just because my brother didn’t cry as much as I did, doesn’t mean he didn’t care. My step mom probably cried the least during the whole process, but her grief was delayed due to the distraction of everything for which she was responsible. You can go read a book about the phases of grief, and you’ll probably identify with a lot of it…but the bottom line is that no one can tell you what it will look like. Just show yourself a lot of grace, and give yourself some time. Be gentle on yourself.

It always gets better, or at least different

The other thing that helps me is to remember that things always get better. Once when I was going through a LOT of pain, a mentor told me “I PROMISE” it gets better. I didn’t think anyone could promise such a thing, but I held on to her statement with hope. And it was true.

I know, I know. When it rains it pours. Things may not get amazing soon or ever. But, at the very least they will be different. You are not going to be stuck feeling this same level of grief forever. It will dissipate. You will discover new things about yourself. You will get support and love from new people. You will appreciate the presence of the person you lost more than you ever have before, and honestly that is a beautiful thing.

A lot of negative things can happen, but if you focus on the good, then you will continuously notice more and more good things. Feel your feelings: be sad, angry, upset, frustrated, etc. But at the end of the day, be grateful. If you are, things can get better.

Do Something Special

The greatest way I’ve been able to honor myself and my dad is to do something special for him, and for me. For example, once a year or so, I write him a letter about all the new and wonderful things going on in my life. This gives me an opportunity to honor him in remembrance, and it gives me the opportunity to reflect on how much I love my life.

Do you know what I did this Father’s day? Nothing. It was wonderful. I took a few extra naps, went to the grocery store, and watched scary movie. I really enjoyed it. I didn’t put any pressure on myself to do anything that anyone expected of me, and that was something really special for myself.

What can you do that will be special for yourself?